oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
