on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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