I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
