I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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