ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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