Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
