i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
