Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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