i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
