Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
