I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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