she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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