You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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