I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
It was like getting head from an anaconda
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
