Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
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