Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
