I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I party with great urgency now.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
