I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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