i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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