So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
