please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
