If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
