It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I didn't notice because vodka
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
