the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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