This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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