what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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