wake up i wanna do it froggy style
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
