She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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