Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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