i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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