I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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