Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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