remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
