6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Randomize
