Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
