You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
