Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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