It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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