I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
someone owes me an orgasm
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
