Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
