Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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