Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
