Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
handjob tips. give me some.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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