you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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