You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
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