My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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