Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
