Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
