"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
