He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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