bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
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