Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
