Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Randomize
