haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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