It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
