I am in a vortex of obligation.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
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