I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
