Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Quick, to the slutcave!
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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