batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
