You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
