dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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