I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
