can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize