how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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