Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
