I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
