ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize